I just had an interesting exchange on social media with someone I've known for a long time but don't know well. This person was sharing that they are really pissed off about something that happened a long time ago. I don't believe it happened to them personally, but they somehow decided to take it personally.
I get it. We all get pissed off by things we hear about or read about... and it's okay to be angry as long as you do something with that anger. Anger is a great catalyst for action... and sadly, it's also a great catalyst for, well, more anger.
It's like the old saying " Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha"
My point is why hold onto it year after year after year? Why let a coal sit and burn in your soul like that? Who are you hurting? You are hurting you! If you're pissed off, do something about it - use it to guide you to constructive action, don't let it simmer forever... nobody needs that. Not you, not the people around you.
Also, if you're pissed at someone for something they supposedly did in the past, I advise you (and I'm talking to myself as well) to look at what you're pissed at them for exactly and find a time when you probably did the same exact thing!
For instance, if I'm pissed off about something someone said that I disagree with, I sure as hell can find where I've done that about a million times. I've judged people and said things that didn't need to be said and thankfully, I now have tools that help me let that shit go! And I can tell you, it's amazing when you do that!
It comes down to this: When we know better, we do better. Belief systems and people can change and sometimes it only takes an instant! I know that and so do you... remember that thing you were so sure of which turned out NOT at all like you thought? Yep, you saw it differently and realized you were wrong and hopefully you changed!
One thing I know for use is that everyone is capable of change. And, in fact that is the only constant - I am not the same person I was exactly 5 years ago and I bet you're not either. But to judge someone on something that happened in the past especially if they themselves have offered that maybe they could have done better only hurts you.... you are losing the chance to know them and to learn from what they've learned.
It's okay to be angry... but do you really need to carry that hot piece of coal around?
If you think this all sounds nuts, that's okay... or if you realize you might have some anger lying around that is burning you, let me know... I have several techniques to help you let that shit go! Email email@example.com and let's work together to clear that coal and heal those burns.
Kim A. Flodin
Wise Woman of the Woods
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